Pressure. Murmur. Pray

A mistake not properly handled will escalate until it becomes out of your control.





If W is still with me, I know that I will not make the mistake.





Could I say that, ultimately, my love to Z may costs my job? (I know I should not have this as it carries no logical link.)





Worse, the mistake may result in a long run effect on some people’s rice bowls.





I always say that, I only need a few bucks to feed myself, and luckily mom and dad don’t need my money. This implies freedom, in some sense.





I can say that, it is the best I can do when I had been experiencing the dark age in my life, which consists of a double dose of sorrow of breaking-up, the eternal departure of the lady who bring me up, the change of status of my beloved sister, the serious illness of my dad, and a write-off of the work done for a whole month. It is God’s grace that I am still standing here.





But I know that what I lack is not the analytical power, language ability or the inter-personal skills. It is the insufficient understanding of how high stake is my job. And also the lack of the persistence to get the job done, even if it implies a lot of confrontation and debate with people from different positions. Being carried away by the less important tasks, I fail to concentrate on what matter most. Attitude towards the core business matters most.





I should salute to my colleagues: how can you guys survive in such a pressure cooker? How many sleepless nights you are having in a year?





Heartfelt thanks for the kindness of my friends and colleagues. I know that I have tons of friends, genuine friends who care about me. I cannot imagine life without them.





I recall the only time I see Z crying in front of me. My empathy to her, at that moment, is only superficial. Now I have in-depth understanding. May be more that that.





W is mostly correct on my personality. Some patterns are repetitive.





My bottom line is, if it costs me so much already, I will not let the guilty feeling to beat me. I still have important tasks to do.





My lord will not ask me bearing a cross that I am not capable of. Please lead my way.

給自己的情歌: 喜帖街

她的新碟
我還是乖乖
的獻上奶粉錢
也不是沒有感動的



忘掉種過的花　重新的出發　放棄理想吧
別再看　塵封的喜帖　你正在要搬家
築得起　人應該接受　都有日倒下
其實沒有一種安穩快樂　永遠也不差

就似這一區　曾經稱得上美滿甲天下
但霎眼　全街的單位　快要住滿烏鴉
好景不會每日常在　天梯不可只往上爬
愛的人沒有一生一世嗎　大概不需要害怕

(忘掉愛過的他)當初的喜帖金箔印著那位他
裱起婚紗照那道牆　及一切美麗舊年華　明日同步拆下
(忘掉有過的家)小餐枱梳化雪櫃及兩份紅茶
溫馨的光景不過借出　到期拿回嗎　等不到下一代　是嗎

忘掉砌過的沙　回憶的堡壘　剎那已倒下
面對這浮起的荒土　你注定學會瀟灑
階磚不會拒絕磨蝕　窗花不可幽禁落霞
有感情就會一生一世嗎　又再婉惜有用嗎

終須會時辰到　別怕

請放下手裡那鎖匙 好嗎

給自己的情歌: 酩酊天使

長時間給一堆工作壓碎
讓細水將哀愁也沖去
別要擔心我氣餒　發掘閒來情趣
漸漸地淡化苦水

難忘你我也要生活下來
近況好如常地拼搏進取
一開心可以喝醉　倦了一覺睡
情緒便困進身體裡

朋友你悄悄遠去化作遠方的天使
仍間歇聽見你舊名字
翻開這相簿至少哭一次
你笑臉印滿相紙

朋友再與你說說笑笑已經不可以
而我要奮鬥每日如是
一天的奔波也許不止
活在你路過的小都市

隨時間過去固執亦下調
但有點無聊事叫我困擾
初相識　跟你拍照
但我黑了面
還記住你說應該笑

朋友你過去去過那個故居都空置
人氣店永遠滿座無異
將一些輕鬆笑話講一次
帶有你每個影子
難過　每一天都走過　生命是如此

珍惜的呼吸也許休止
活著已是最好的心意
I miss you I miss you




It has been looped for days.

It almost becomes my prayer.

Love, is to embrace the life already broken in to pieces

7 years ago...

was the worst of time

as I had finished an 8-year-old-relationship



it was the best of time

as I was closest to God

as I was bravest in facing myself

and he sent an angel into my life



W, a girl lighten up my life

a girl who liked a poorest child

who was desperate about life

and I was the one who was willing and able to give

almost without reservation




I should say that these 7 years

painted my life with colour

We had tried many things

gone to many places

taken many photos

written many words

spent many days and nights

experienced many laughers and tears




My heart is roaring

I am not the kid 7 years ago

I have learnt to resist temptation in my daily life

I have tried every means to nurture our intimacy

our passion, and our daily living

to let our love to flow between us like a river

until I started building a wall to hide myself

to block God outside my heart

and ultimately blocked my power to love

and lost my connection with W

the colour of our love fades





I am not blaming W or myself

for the drying of the river of love

life is too tough in these year

and we are too childish

and forget to nurture ourselves

and also our relationship







My heart is in a thunderstorm

But at the same time

I am very calm and peaceful

There is a pair of eyes looking at me

And a voice whispering that

“Your homework is not perfect

But you don’t fail either




W has her limitation and her own homework

Your gentle heart and love is appreciated

so as your honesty to yourself and to W

Your decisiveness is a breakthrough

Your are training up yourself to shoulder the passion of life

and the mission of life

of yourself, and for yourself




Your finally realize that

You cannot be in a tide without a standpoint

As the tide will crush your life, your heart and the ones you love most

and you need to realize that

you cannot find the standpoint outside God

And most importantly

You cannot stand still without your will power

Or in a most realistic way, without a habit

that nurture your life towards God”



I am perfectly clear that

I have to be an anchor

for myself, and for my beloved ones




I really have changed

like what W has changed

W is God’s angel telling that

I have the power and skills to love

the genuine love beyond

passion and sex drive and the need of attachment




I have learnt the healing of love

With that I can face my loneliness

I will remember vividly

There is at least a gal who loves me without reservation

appreciates my tender and care

forgives when I have done wrong





This gives me courage

I am no longer a timid guy

What else should I fear?

Although I am not a toughest one

I will not fail again

Put it in another way

I won’t say sorry to the ones I love any more

as I will try my best to love them

after I have empowered by the love of God.




W, thanks for telling me that these 7 years are

as worthy as it can be

Thanks for telling me that

I am an angel of your life

In fact it is kind of healing

Despite all my giving to others

I seldom think that I am worthy of being loved

But your love embraces me

So that I don’t have fear any longer

I will stand still and fight till I die when challenges come



My life has broken into pieces

But the pain is worth more than gold

And the tears worth more than diamond

As I realize that again

Love is to embrace the life broken into pieces

That is HIS love in the cross

給自己的情歌: 償還

從未將你的貼相
從右翻至左欣賞
從未躺進髮上
貼身搔癢 怎會當尋常

從未聽你的拇指
撩動花瓣的聲響
從未真正放手
所以以為 擁抱會漫長

償還過 才如願
要是未曾償清這心願
星不會轉 謊不會穿
因此太希罕繼續相戀

償還過 才情願
閉著目承認故事看完
甚麼都不算甚麼
即使你離得多遠
也不好抱怨

從未等你的眼睛
從夢中看到甦醒
從未跟你暢泳
怎麼知道 高興會忘形

從未跟你飲過冰
零度天氣看風景
從未攀過雪山
所以以為 天會繼續晴






An old song that I love much

this song has lost its magic to me




Although I have make some mistakes

I should say that I have tried almost everything

I have given almost everything

to love a person in these 7 years


The sad thing is

I am qualified as a lover

but I am not qualified as an individual



I should learn how to be alone

before I start another relationship

with whoever I love

給自己的情歌: 新生活

這一個字母 那一闕樂與怒
每一個月初的 8 號
這一帶別到 這齣戲別再做
這種藍綠色 不要亂塗
對你有過這麼深的愛慕
處處是記號

舊情太多 新生活要好好過
世間要除去什麼
物証摧毀掉五千億個
也不要留低一個

讓我將生活徹底擊破
砌一個全新的我

將生活再清洗過
到底我還有什麼
就算摧毀掉五千億個
我心裡還有一個

給自己的情歌: 旅行的意義

你看過了許多美景 你看過了許多美女
你累積了許多飛行 你用心挑選紀念品
你迷失在地圖上每一道短暫的光陰
你蒐集了地圖上每一次的風和日麗
你擁抱熱情的島嶼　你踏過下雪的北京
你熟記書本裡每一句你最愛的真理
你流連電影裡美麗的不真實的場景

卻說不出你愛我的原因
卻說不出你欣賞我哪一種表情
卻說不出在什麼場合曾讓你動心(又或是已記不起)
說不出　旅行的意義

你勉強說出你愛我的原因
卻說不出在什麼場合曾讓你分心
說不出　離開的原因

勉強說出　你為我寄出的每一封信
都是你　離開的原因
你離開我　就是旅行的意義

給自己的情歌: 黑夜不再來

I really owe W a reason, although the reason may be an excuse in her viewpoint.

Can she really understand?

Or It is me who really don't understand...


如果一呼氣一吸氣代表相愛
或者淹死我會更發現你存在
如果日夜一起想不起我曾被愛
難道分手會令感動再來

熟悉的想講再會
陌生的都很匹配
難怪我永遠懷念飛灰

如何不後悔

給自己的情歌: 我不難過

我真的懂 你不是喜新厭舊
是我沒有 陪在你身邊 當你寂寞時候
別再看著我 說著你愛過 別太傷痛
我不難過 這不算什麼
只是為什麼眼淚會流 我也不懂

就讓我走 讓我開始享受自由
回憶很多 你的影子也會充滿我生活

別在說是你的錯 愛到了盡頭
是非對錯 就讓它隨風
忘了所有 過得比你快活

不要再說 或許這是最好結果
現在分手 總好過你不愛我一拖再拖
鬆開你的手 離開你左右 我向前走
這會是我 真正的解脫

給自已的情歌：失戀太少

美好的　沉澱了
沒有火花不要燒
愛過的　成熟了
犯錯只因失戀太少

擦光所有火柴難令氣氛像從前閃耀
至少感激當日陪著我開甜蜜的玩笑