Pressure. Murmur. Pray

A mistake not properly handled will escalate until it becomes out of your control.





If W is still with me, I know that I will not make the mistake.





Could I say that, ultimately, my love to Z may costs my job? (I know I should not have this as it carries no logical link.)





Worse, the mistake may result in a long run effect on some people’s rice bowls.





I always say that, I only need a few bucks to feed myself, and luckily mom and dad don’t need my money. This implies freedom, in some sense.





I can say that, it is the best I can do when I had been experiencing the dark age in my life, which consists of a double dose of sorrow of breaking-up, the eternal departure of the lady who bring me up, the change of status of my beloved sister, the serious illness of my dad, and a write-off of the work done for a whole month. It is God’s grace that I am still standing here.





But I know that what I lack is not the analytical power, language ability or the inter-personal skills. It is the insufficient understanding of how high stake is my job. And also the lack of the persistence to get the job done, even if it implies a lot of confrontation and debate with people from different positions. Being carried away by the less important tasks, I fail to concentrate on what matter most. Attitude towards the core business matters most.





I should salute to my colleagues: how can you guys survive in such a pressure cooker? How many sleepless nights you are having in a year?





Heartfelt thanks for the kindness of my friends and colleagues. I know that I have tons of friends, genuine friends who care about me. I cannot imagine life without them.





I recall the only time I see Z crying in front of me. My empathy to her, at that moment, is only superficial. Now I have in-depth understanding. May be more that that.





W is mostly correct on my personality. Some patterns are repetitive.





My bottom line is, if it costs me so much already, I will not let the guilty feeling to beat me. I still have important tasks to do.





My lord will not ask me bearing a cross that I am not capable of. Please lead my way.