Gift

Buying a gift to the beloved one is always a painful process.

There are two roads you can take,

To play safe and buy something she surely likes

Or to pick one that may surprise her



I usually have the option one

showing my lack of creativity

Many says that the handmade stuff will be the best

which may never be true for me

as I have my poor skills in Arts proved by my Art teacher




Now I have a gift list in my iphone

should not waste any good ideas as it is as rare as the chance I can contact her

I becomes a collector of little gifts.

Although I know that well, I am writing off a lot of my energy and my money




Of course I have more than the little gift

I wanna to be an expert to cheer up her

the sad fact is that

If she love you, you mere presence will do the job




But now, I wanna cheer up myself…

給自己的情歌: 不能說的秘密

很久沒胆播的一隻碟
有太多的回憶和眼淚





冷咖啡離開了杯墊
我忍住的情緒在很後面

拼命想挽回的從前
在我臉上請晣可見

最美的不是下雨天
是曾與你躲過雨的屋簷
回憶的畫面 在盪著鞦韆 夢開始不甜

妳說把愛漸漸 放下會走更遠
又何必去改變 己錯過的時間

妳用妳的指尖 阻止我說再見
想像妳在身邊 在完全失去之前

妳說把愛漸漸 放下會走更遠
或許命運的籤 只讓我們遇見

只讓我們相戀 這一季的秋天
飄落後才發現 這幸福的碎片
要我怎樣撿

累人

想念一個人/很累

才一個月/還可以吧

這一年/不易過呀

看書/攝影/睇戲/旅行/記事

運動/開會/裝修/吃喝/玩樂


等待

等待和拖延的分別/就是懷著目的吧!

我不會輸的!

給自己的情歌: 酩酊天使

長時間給一堆工作壓碎
讓細水將哀愁也沖去
別要擔心我氣餒　發掘閒來情趣
漸漸地淡化苦水

難忘你我也要生活下來
近況好如常地拼搏進取
一開心可以喝醉　倦了一覺睡
情緒便困進身體裡

朋友你悄悄遠去化作遠方的天使
仍間歇聽見你舊名字
翻開這相簿至少哭一次
你笑臉印滿相紙

朋友再與你說說笑笑已經不可以
而我要奮鬥每日如是
一天的奔波也許不止
活在你路過的小都市

隨時間過去固執亦下調
但有點無聊事叫我困擾
初相識　跟你拍照
但我黑了面
還記住你說應該笑

朋友你過去去過那個故居都空置
人氣店永遠滿座無異
將一些輕鬆笑話講一次
帶有你每個影子
難過　每一天都走過　生命是如此

珍惜的呼吸也許休止
活著已是最好的心意
I miss you I miss you




It has been looped for days.

It almost becomes my prayer.

Love, is to embrace the life already broken in to pieces

7 years ago...

was the worst of time

as I had finished an 8-year-old-relationship



it was the best of time

as I was closest to God

as I was bravest in facing myself

and he sent an angel into my life



W, a girl lighten up my life

a girl who liked a poorest child

who was desperate about life

and I was the one who was willing and able to give

almost without reservation




I should say that these 7 years

painted my life with colour

We had tried many things

gone to many places

taken many photos

written many words

spent many days and nights

experienced many laughers and tears




My heart is roaring

I am not the kid 7 years ago

I have learnt to resist temptation in my daily life

I have tried every means to nurture our intimacy

our passion, and our daily living

to let our love to flow between us like a river

until I started building a wall to hide myself

to block God outside my heart

and ultimately blocked my power to love

and lost my connection with W

the colour of our love fades





I am not blaming W or myself

for the drying of the river of love

life is too tough in these year

and we are too childish

and forget to nurture ourselves

and also our relationship







My heart is in a thunderstorm

But at the same time

I am very calm and peaceful

There is a pair of eyes looking at me

And a voice whispering that

“Your homework is not perfect

But you don’t fail either




W has her limitation and her own homework

Your gentle heart and love is appreciated

so as your honesty to yourself and to W

Your decisiveness is a breakthrough

Your are training up yourself to shoulder the passion of life

and the mission of life

of yourself, and for yourself




Your finally realize that

You cannot be in a tide without a standpoint

As the tide will crush your life, your heart and the ones you love most

and you need to realize that

you cannot find the standpoint outside God

And most importantly

You cannot stand still without your will power

Or in a most realistic way, without a habit

that nurture your life towards God”



I am perfectly clear that

I have to be an anchor

for myself, and for my beloved ones




I really have changed

like what W has changed

W is God’s angel telling that

I have the power and skills to love

the genuine love beyond

passion and sex drive and the need of attachment




I have learnt the healing of love

With that I can face my loneliness

I will remember vividly

There is at least a gal who loves me without reservation

appreciates my tender and care

forgives when I have done wrong





This gives me courage

I am no longer a timid guy

What else should I fear?

Although I am not a toughest one

I will not fail again

Put it in another way

I won’t say sorry to the ones I love any more

as I will try my best to love them

after I have empowered by the love of God.




W, thanks for telling me that these 7 years are

as worthy as it can be

Thanks for telling me that

I am an angel of your life

In fact it is kind of healing

Despite all my giving to others

I seldom think that I am worthy of being loved

But your love embraces me

So that I don’t have fear any longer

I will stand still and fight till I die when challenges come



My life has broken into pieces

But the pain is worth more than gold

And the tears worth more than diamond

As I realize that again

Love is to embrace the life broken into pieces

That is HIS love in the cross

給自己的情歌: 他的故事

I still remember what JL said

a year, is equavant to a century

in the timescale of love in this era






A new album of Hins Cheung

A new song that looped for days







他的故事

他心力透支　仍然想去試多次
他努力過　天也像說　都可以
天可做靠倚　然而天也有風雨
他確定了　一世願愛這女子
人人說著　多蠢　這種故事
長途遠路　怎麼會知

愛在盡頭仍是愛　因他可以去相信
寧願信　寧願信　如像有些感覺是最準
愛在未來才是愛　這是未來無字的一封信
沉默裡　期待裡　誰在叫他　不要急進

他盯著鏡子　為何好似個瘋子
他冷靜過　心也在說　很不智
天可在構思　尋求一個好開始
他繼續去　守愛著這好女子
無人勉勵　高歌　這種故事
窮人快樂　卻未停止

雨後為何還是雨　他總可以去寬恕
晴或雨　晴或雨　無論看多久也未會輸
愛沒盡頭才是愛　故事動人原在他的慷慨
唯望女孩亦會明白到他的愛

聽著很想知結果　他的經歷提示我
他的不惜一切是最美的火

愛在盡頭仍是愛　因他可以去相信
寧願信　寧願信　無懼怕便沒有愚蠢
愛在未來才是愛　這是未來甜蜜的一封信

沉默裡　期待裡　毋用揭開　只要相信

給自己的情歌: 償還

從未將你的貼相
從右翻至左欣賞
從未躺進髮上
貼身搔癢 怎會當尋常

從未聽你的拇指
撩動花瓣的聲響
從未真正放手
所以以為 擁抱會漫長

償還過 才如願
要是未曾償清這心願
星不會轉 謊不會穿
因此太希罕繼續相戀

償還過 才情願
閉著目承認故事看完
甚麼都不算甚麼
即使你離得多遠
也不好抱怨

從未等你的眼睛
從夢中看到甦醒
從未跟你暢泳
怎麼知道 高興會忘形

從未跟你飲過冰
零度天氣看風景
從未攀過雪山
所以以為 天會繼續晴






An old song that I love much

this song has lost its magic to me




Although I have make some mistakes

I should say that I have tried almost everything

I have given almost everything

to love a person in these 7 years


The sad thing is

I am qualified as a lover

but I am not qualified as an individual



I should learn how to be alone

before I start another relationship

with whoever I love

Mania+depression=bipolar

After the 12 dosage of whisky

and a emotion turmoil

Now it is in the recovery stage

In fact I have given up any hope



But before I have my last try to contact her

her email arrived.



and I fall back into the hole



now I have a new found perspective

although it may not be working well

but at least I can find a way to put a full stop

to the affair that both of us are suffering




what is next is full of uncertainty

but what is certainty?




I really wanna chase my goal

with all my heart, my wisdom, my effort, and my energy

If I still lose, that will be fine



New habit, new attitude, new energy

That is what I am seeking for

I will draw the experience from the old failure

and don't the pain being wasted



The present is the result of the past

history cannot be ignored

At the same time

Bygones are bygones

looking at the rear mirror is meaningless

as people has to be forward-looking



Well, I can handle that

Give me a bit more of time

and some kind of enlightenment

and a health dorsal of pain

The cure will be ready

Decisive moment: Dawn out of my window

It is beautiful

when you find another angle

another time

to look that your life

The best mistake I even made

Sorry that I have hurt you

Sorry that I have bothered you

Sorry that I have troubled you

Sorry that I have annoyed you




I know that you won’t read that

I really wanna you never know that…

How much I miss you

How much I give up for you

How I break my life into pieces

How much tears I have because of you




I have done my best

To treat you as good as I can be

Although I know that it does not matter any longer



These months… are the best months in my life

Also the worst months

I’ve never thought that

I am so crazy about a lady

I am willing to give up nearly everything for you

Even if I already know that

You will not accept me





I still have the SMSess

the emails

the gifts

everything about you

I just could not forget you

How you share you story with me

How you open your weakness to me

How you share your dreams with me




If I really love you

I should never make you feel sad



I deserve to be in deep shit

while you don't




The only point I can convince myself

Is that you deserve a better guy than me

Much better one




I should disappears in your life

until we can face each other again




I really don’t wanna lost you forever in my life

給自己的情歌: 新生活

這一個字母 那一闕樂與怒
每一個月初的 8 號
這一帶別到 這齣戲別再做
這種藍綠色 不要亂塗
對你有過這麼深的愛慕
處處是記號

舊情太多 新生活要好好過
世間要除去什麼
物証摧毀掉五千億個
也不要留低一個

讓我將生活徹底擊破
砌一個全新的我

將生活再清洗過
到底我還有什麼
就算摧毀掉五千億個
我心裡還有一個

給自己的情歌: 我願意

Her b'day is approaching.

I just cannot stop thinking of her.

I have bought several gifts for her.

Enough for her 24 years b'day.

But I am pretty sure that

she won't want any of them any more.

Even if I send it to her

it will lying in the trash can

which my heart belongs.


思 念 是 一 種 很 玄 的 東 西 如 影 隨 行
無 聲 又 無 息 出 沒 在 心 底　
轉 眼 　吞 沒 我 在 寂 寞 裡

我 無 力 抗 拒　 特 別 是 夜 裡　
想 你 到 無 法 呼 吸 恨 不 能 立 即　
朝 你 狂 奔 去 　 大 聲 的 告 訴 你

我 願 意 為 你　 我 願 意 為 你
我 願 意 為 你 　 忘 記 我 姓 名
就 算 有 一 秒　 停 留 在 你 懷 裡 　
失 去 世 界 也 不 可 惜

我 願 意 為 你　 我 願 意 為 你
我 願 意 為 你 　 被 放 逐 天 際
只 要 你 真 心 　 拿 愛 與 我 回 應
什 麼 都 願 意 　 什 麼 都 願 意 為 你




What I can do for her

is too little, too late

妹妹點唱：分手要狠

誰亦害怕 背上 開口責任

誰亦避免看見傷害人

然後亂說轉淡了 可以做對良朋

還道歉 愧疚說不忍



離開得夠狠 搬走得更狠

刪走了電腦 一絲一點烙印

手機都轉新 寂寞亦別要找舊人

知己慰問我 也記得不要犯禁






Frankly, the song itself is

not-audible...

給自己的情歌: 愛很簡單

I have thought a thousand time

about my silly act

and cannot come up with a rational explanation



忘了是怎麼開始　也許就是對你　有一種感覺
忽然間發現自己　已深深愛上你　真的很簡單

愛的地暗天黑都已無所謂　是是非非無法抉擇
沒有後悔為愛日夜去跟隨　那個瘋狂的人是我

I LOVE U 無法不愛你 BABY 說你也愛我
I LOVE U 永遠不願意 BABY 失去你

不可能更快樂　只要能在一起　做什麼都可以
雖然　世界變個不停　用最真誠的心　讓愛變的簡單

I LOVE U　一直在這裡　一直在愛你
I LOVE U　永遠都不放棄　這愛你的權利

如果你還有一些困惑 請貼著我的心傾聽
聽我說著　愛你 (yes I do) 我愛你

給自己的情歌: 旅行的意義

你看過了許多美景 你看過了許多美女
你累積了許多飛行 你用心挑選紀念品
你迷失在地圖上每一道短暫的光陰
你蒐集了地圖上每一次的風和日麗
你擁抱熱情的島嶼　你踏過下雪的北京
你熟記書本裡每一句你最愛的真理
你流連電影裡美麗的不真實的場景

卻說不出你愛我的原因
卻說不出你欣賞我哪一種表情
卻說不出在什麼場合曾讓你動心(又或是已記不起)
說不出　旅行的意義

你勉強說出你愛我的原因
卻說不出在什麼場合曾讓你分心
說不出　離開的原因

勉強說出　你為我寄出的每一封信
都是你　離開的原因
你離開我　就是旅行的意義

給自己的情歌: 路, 一直都在

Yes I don't wanna to miss some more chances, or somebody else

I insist to face myself

to find what (or who) inspires my life

to make myself more lovable



I nearly have the courage to face W, and Z again




穿過人潮洶湧燈火闌珊
沒有想過回頭
一段又一段走不完的旅程
甚麼時候能走完

That's just life
尋找夢裡的未來
笑對現實的無奈

Oh　我的　夢代表甚麼
又是甚麼讓我們期盼
又是甚麼讓我們不安

看不清的路又算甚麼
看不清的夢又算甚麼

Oh That's just life
徘徊到不再徘徊
重來到不怕重來

不能後退的時候
不再傍徨的時候

永遠向前 路一直都在

路一直都在

給自己的情歌: 黑夜不再來

I really owe W a reason, although the reason may be an excuse in her viewpoint.

Can she really understand?

Or It is me who really don't understand...


如果一呼氣一吸氣代表相愛
或者淹死我會更發現你存在
如果日夜一起想不起我曾被愛
難道分手會令感動再來

熟悉的想講再會
陌生的都很匹配
難怪我永遠懷念飛灰

如何不後悔